What I’ll secretly be thinking if you tell me you’re having a baby.

Mother and child photograph source unknown

As a mum there is a certain sense of selfishness in the excitement of a friend announcing their first pregnancy. Of course I am genuinely happy that they are creating a family with the person they love, that part is a given. But then there is the other congratulations that is not said and that is “I’m so happy that you are going to be a mum, too“.

I’m so happy because now you will ‘get’ what this whole thing is about. You will ‘get’ the endless sleepless nights. And the heart-aching love. You will ‘get’ the obsession over why a toddler won’t eat his dinner. And the overwhelming responsibility of raising a child. And when I tell you that I’m struggling to know how best to discipline, you just ‘get it’. Because you are there too, or have been, or will be. Our friendship finds a new level of commonality because we are now both in the thick of motherhood, with all its challenges and triumphs.

I love my childless friends just as much as those who are mums. Their company is often a welcome break from the all-consuming world of motherhood. A chance to revert back to just being me, to talk about everything else that makes up life. And there is so much of it. Careers, travel, relationships, adventures. And if I’m truly honest, sometimes I like to live vicariously through these friends, and their careers and travels and adventures. Because frankly it’s a bit more exciting than changing endless nappies and wiping half-eaten food off the floor.

The truth of it is, however, our lives are very different now. Where we shared the highs and lows of school and university, first relationships and travel, suddenly our paths have taken vastly divergent directions. So, when a non-mum friend announces her impending mamma-hood, internally I get excited that we will again be on the same page of life. That I will be able to empathise with the “I’m-so-freaking-over-being-pregnant-get-this-baby-out-of-me” feeling. The “I-have-no-idea-why-this-baby-won’t-stop-crying” breakdown. And the “I-love-this-little-person-so-much-my-heart-my-just-explode” moments. I will nod my head and ‘get it’ because I am there, or have been, or will be.

So to my beautiful non-mamma friends, know that if and when you decide to go down the motherhood path I will be absolutely elated for you but also, selfishly, quietly, happy for myself.

image source unknown but found here

    • Laura said:

      Hi Mandy, thanks for popping by. Love your blog by the way, was only just reading your guest post on Veggie Mama!
      x laura

  1. Mindi said:

    Oh Laura!
    You express things so perfectly. This feels very familiar, it’s like you have a secret window to my mind!

    One of my best friends has a new baby and your post captures all my thoughts exactly.

    Much love to you, amazing mumma 🙂

    • Laura said:

      Thanks Mindi, it’s lovely that you take the time to read this little blog, I really appreciate it.
      big love to you too. x Laura

    • Laura said:

      Thanks Danielle. x Laura

  2. Nina said:

    Well said, Laura! I can totally relate, especially since I was really the first of my close girlfriends who had a kid. Whenever we hear of our friends having or trying to have kids, it’s totally on a selfish level too. We get to swap stories and advice, and it truly does feel like welcoming someone into a club.

    • Laura said:

      It must have been challenging being the first Nina. One of my girlfriends who was the first, had two kids before I had Lachie and I think I only began to understand how hard that must of been, after I became a mum. x Laura

  3. Lovely post…all so true!
    I think it is so amazing when my friends become mothers.
    The other day I was with a friend and her 15 week old and I almost cried just seeing her look at her baby…you could just see the love. And I just thought it crazy that other friends with babies older than mine probably looked at me and thought the same thing.

    • Laura said:

      I know what you mean about seeing your friends and their baby, with this beautiful love, and you just KNOW that feeling too. x Laura

  4. I totally understand your selfishness ; )
    Not having kids (yet) myself, I feel how it changes friendships with friends that are parents.
    I can only imagine how different (in a very wonderful way) their life has become.
    And I am looking forward to experiencing becoming a Mum one day.

  5. Oh gosh, so very true Laura…
    I’m also secretly enjoying the fact that a few of my closest friends from high school aren’t working during the week anymore because they’ve recently blessed with newborns which means I get to see them and spend time with them! 🙂
    Ronnie xo

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: